MIDDLETOWN, CT- This morning, President Michael Roth woke from his night of sleep and felt profoundly disappointed.
“I was having this wonderful dream where I was the president of Wesleyan University. Everyone liked me and laughed at my quirky jokes. People actually tried really really hard to take my philosophy classes. No one yelled at me or demanded I be fired. I was just a classic cool guy. Like a rapper. Or something. And I for sure never took that microphone from the Democracy Now reporter. Like, wow. That would be so nice.”
Roth grew uneasy, closed his eyes, and then took a series of deep breaths. “I woke up and I was still, in fact, the president of Wesleyan University. I mean, except that no one likes me.”
Suddenly, Roth decided to end the interview.
“I think I’m going to go back to sleep. Things are just…easier that way.”