Everything Crumbles as Freshman Hits First Speed-bump

Middletown, CT. – A month through her first year, Pam Rollins ’20 was beginning to think that the rest of her time at Wesleyan might continue to go by without any real issues. “Up until a week ago, I did almost all of my work on time, except for readings, which don’t really count. I made tons of friends, from every dorm, including WestCo. My social life was booming. I was invited to multiple events on Facebook by upperclassmen. I even joined a few clubs that I have actually followed up with,” Pam told The Groundhog.

Unfortunately for Pam, things were bound to change. On October 3rd, Pam had three midterms on one day. An eight-page essay and two tests seemed manageable to Pam at first, but she failed to consider the implications. The Thursday before that fated Monday, Pam bought rations of Annie’s Homegrown Mac and CheeseTM, Tostitos Hint of LimeTM tortilla chips, and a copious amount of yerbe mate. After acquiring any other materials she would need, like AdderallTM but not a sleeping bag, Pam buried herself in the stacks of Olin for the weekend.

On Monday, after finishing her last midterm for the day, she realized the world she had returned to was different from the one she had left. “My friends didn’t seem to remember who I was,” Pam recalls. “I even heard them talking once about the girl who they used to hang out with on weekends, and I know it must have been me. Also, people wouldn’t stop screaming at me about Michael Roth.”

The next weekend, Pam had a similar amount of work for the upcoming Monday, but decided to make an effort to go out and socialize. She spent her weekend nights partying, and she tried her best to work during the day with little success. Her grades suffered dramatically as a consequence, but she felt back in the loop with her friends.

When she realized that during both of these weekends she had missed every club meeting she had committed to attend, Pam realized there was no way to win. Nihilism got the best of her. Pam has since decided to major in philosophy and spends most weekends sipping scotch in her room, contemplating her existence.

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