Student with Pimple on His Lip: It’s Not Herpes, Stop Fucking Asking

pimpleMIDDLETOWN, CT – With sexually transmitted diseases running rampant on college campuses, students are on the lookout for any signs of infection. Some of the most noticeable indications of herpes simplex, better known as herpes, are swelled pink warts, which can be found around the lips or near genitalia, as those are the areas in which the infections can spread the fastest.

Local student Brian Matthews ’18, has a very large pimple on his upper lip, and he really just wants everyone to stop thinking that it’s a herpes sore.

“It’s not fucking herpes,” he said. “I don’t have herpes. Please stop asking if it’s herpes. I got tested. I have no diseases. I’m fully on the market. Please don’t be afraid of me.”

Matthews has dealt with the herpes scare very personally and understands that it may scare people, but he just wants to make sure everyone knows that the pink welt on his upper lip is just a gross disgusting pimple.

“I mean just look at it. It’s horrible. Why would I even talk about it if it was herpes? It’s just a gross goddamn pimple. We all get them. We all struggle with them. Why did this have to happen to me, God? Why? Why me?”

Matthews grew overwhelmed and emotional and declined to speak any longer on his gross pimple.

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