Student Cuts All of His Pants into Shorts Due to Panic Over Mid-October Heatwave

Middletown, CT – Students across the New England area, woke up this morning and checked their weather like any other day. Mass pandemonium swept through college dorm rooms as these students saw the uncharacteristic upturn in temperature over the days to come.

Amongst the distraught and lost was Wesleyan junior, Fred Jenkins. “I remember seeing the weather on my phone, checking it again, thinking about how none of my shorts would match the fall foliage, and then blackness,” Jenkins told the Groundhog. “When I came to, I was surrounded by torn cloth, and fresh, DIY shorts.”

Jenkins has been seen around campus, sporting maroon jorts, frantically trying to find thread to sew his pants back together. Despite getting multiple compliments on his preparedness for the surprising weather by students who accidentally put on their fall overalls, Jenkins cannot help but feel nervous about the upcoming shift back to cold temperatures.

“How am I supposed to wear my Urban Outfitters jumpsuit that now has shorts in the cold? I didn’t even cut off the sleeves. My torso is going to be hot and my legs are going to be freezing.”

If you would like to help, Jenkins is taking pants donations in his mailbox at Usdan, but only cool pants.

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