Student Shocked to Meet Someone Not Exactly Like him

MIDDLETOWN, CT – Yesterday was a day to remember for freshman George Gordons, as he first met an individual with whom he did not have absolutely everything in common. Gordons was reportedly flabbergasted, remarking, “Not only did this guy not like Chance the Rapper, but he had never even heard of the Strokes!”

Gordons later went to the new acquaintance’s dorm, “Out of pure, scientific curiosity” and noted a distinct lack of Tarantino and Fincher posters. There were no flannels in the closet. He looked around, and counted not one but two posters of sports teams. Gordons clarified on this final item, saying “I don’t even think they were ironic.”

According to close sources, Gordons spent all of the following day telling everyone he met of the kid who “Doesn’t want to move to New York City, like, the second he graduates.” Though he conceded that there were other cities worth living in, Gordons found it shocking this enigmatic student wasn’t planning to move to the city if he was planning on working in the arts. “Then he told me he wasn’t! He wants to be a lawyer!” He said. “Why even go to a top tier college like Wesleyan if you want to do something like that?”

Gordons later calmed down, recovering from his initial shock. “I knew people were different than me,” he said. “But I just thought that meant liking Morrissey’s solo career better than The Smiths. I guess the idea that someone could not like Kurt Vonnegut was just too much for my system to handle.”


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