Student Assures Himself “This Is the Last Cry of the Week”

MIDDLETOWN, CT – Amidst the stress of midterms, students all around campus have been dealing with deep emotional stress and a sense of immense pressure to succeed. One student, Brian Hensley ’19, has had enough of the crying.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really cry,” he said. “But I’ve cried maybe eight times this week.”

Many students have been reporting that not only is it a stressful week, but the added pressure of the fact that Pixar’s Up was the mystery movie for the Language of Hollywood test has not helped.

“I mean, I reserve Up for maybe an annual good cry, but this is just ridiculous,” he said. “Not only did he play it in class, but we had to rewatch the saddest scenes of the movie immediately after for the paper. I’ve watched Ellie die three times this week and I’ve fucking had it.”

Hensley believes that with the week coming to an end and October break being just around the corner, there’s potential for a silver lining.

“I’m going to New York for the weekend, and I don’t think anyone has ever cried in New York, so I think it’ll be a nice get away. I’m definitely never watching Up again. I mean, really?! ‘Thanks for the adventure – now go have another!’?! What the fuck, Pixar?! Who hurt you?!”

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