WASHINGTON – Scandal hits the nation’s capital as the major leaders of both political parties fight tooth and nail over the best costume for the Senate’s yearly trick or treating. Said Senator Harry Reid, “I didn’t even want it that bad to start with, but now Mitch wants it, so I’m not gonna stop till I get it. It’s like healthcare all over again.” The senator then ran off to go call his mother and explain the situation to her.
When asked to comment, Senator McConnell first refused, explaining with elaborate hand gestures and quite a bit of stomping that he was giving everybody the silent treatment. His aides spoke to him privately, and after having a nice big snack and using the bathroom, he felt calm enough to respond. “Harry is a poopy-head” was the official quote from the current Senate Majority Leader, before leaving to go make sure actual work wasn’t accidentally done while he was gone.
This isn’t the first time there has been a media frenzy over a political halloween costume, but the first since 1883, when Grover Cleveland and Rutherford B. Hayes also fought over who got to go as the red power ranger. At the time, the only thing that would settle them down was the nineteenth century equivalent of Scooby Doo fruit snacks.
Senator McConnell himself noted that this doesn’t usually happen, saying, “Normally I just go as myself and claim I’m a turtle”, before going on to explain that he wanted to switch up this year with something cooler. “I’ve consulted with Ted Cruz, and he agrees nothing is cooler than the red power ranger.”