MIDDLETOWN, CT – This morning, Kathleen Isaacson went out to breakfast with her parents and had a god awful hangover. She could barely open her eyes and had little to no appetite for Brew Bakers. When asked why she was “being so quiet”, Kathleen told her parents, “I just had a lot of homework last night so I’m pretty tired.” When Kathleen’s mother began to speculate how strange it is that she did all of her homework on Saturday night rather than saving some for Sunday, Kathleen exhibited an almost flawless deflection of the conversation to how much she will miss her parents when they leave.
It’s also reported that Kathleen made a quick trip to the restaurant’s bathroom and puked two and a half times. She returned to the table with tears in her eyes from the relentless vomiting, her father began to tear up himself, believing his daughter was actually upset about their departure.
When the Groundhog contacted Kathleen about the incident, she declined to comment, and requested that we not publish the article in fear that her parents will figure out how goddamn horrible of a hangover she had.