Great Plan, Poor Execution: Man Winds Up in ER With Action Figure Up Rectum

  Local resident Abraham Rotchel checked into the emergency room earlier today with a Toy-Story-themed action figure lodged firmly up his rectal cavity. Friends and family of Rotchel gathered in the ER, mourning the unfortunate execution of an otherwise perfect idea.

   “It’s a shame it turned out this way. We were all rooting for his decision to stick a Buzz Lightyear action figure up his anus,” said Mark Lighten, a close friend of Rotchel’s.

    Once the action figure was dislodged, Rotchel’s emergency care doctor warned that any continued anal penetration would result in severe trauma. Rotchel took the news with resignation and immediately rescheduled his weekend plans.

    “I guess it turns that like communism, sticking a children’s toy up your anus for sexual stimulation is better in theory than in practice,” Rotchel said.

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