Middletown, CT – Sorry, folks, but it looks like it’s going to be another long one. Middletown Maury, the resident groundhog liaison for Groundhog Day, walked out of his dorm this morning, only to run back in after seeing his reflection in the mirror. You know what that means: 7 more semesters of shitty satire from this site.
Buckle in because you’re looking at 3 and a half years of subpar jokes about the that groundhog of a president. Hell, there was one earlier today. Sure, it’s going to be rough, but we’re in this together, and you can’t change that. What are you going to do? Start your own satire publication with slightly higher standards? Good luck finding writers. We’ve been scrapping the bottom of the barrel for those all of last semester, and at this point it’s still mostly white men.
You poor shmucks. We know you didn’t ask for this. Unfortunately, Maury’s word is final. Good luck, but not goodbye.