Foss Smokers Outraged Over Snowstorm

MIDDLETOWN, CT- After a balmy 50 degrees on Wednesday, Wesleyan’s resident marijuana users are upset that they will have to wait at least another week to relax again on Foss with a “killer dubie.” Many have expressed concern that this storm may have to do with Wesleyan’s anti-drug agenda. One user, who wished to remain anonymous, explained that the administration was making steps to hide drug use on campus in order to attract more “nerds” to apply. When pressed on how the administration was able to orchestrate such an impediment to smoking, this user declined to further comment on account of needing to get some “fresh air.”

Others are convinced that the storm is some sort of revenge from Mother Earth. As George “G-man” Carlin ‘18, stated between coughs, “it’s like, we give so much to her (Mother Earth), and she is hung up about the tiny amount of smoke we let into the atmosphere or something!” Carlin concluded that he would resort to only using edibles in the future as a means of mending his relationship with nature.

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