WASHINGTON, D.C. – The topic of climate change has been hotly debated for decades, but even more so in the advent of the Trump administration, which has already removed pages about global warming from the EPA website. Chief Strategist Steve Bannon recently reiterated his position regarding global climate change.
“If global warming is real, then why is my heart so cold?” Bannon announced to the press, between sips of what he insisted was cranberry juice but was probably goat’s blood.
When approached with hard data involving the loss of Arctic glaciers and rising sea levels, Bannon merely pointed to his chest and whispered, “This shit is absolutely frozen.”
Experts agreed that Bannon’s heart exceeded all known scientific records when it came to complete frigidity. At its current rate, global warming could only even hope to melt Bannon’s heart in the year 3039.