Every Wesleyan Student Retroactively Accepted to Brown

PROVIDENCE, RI – Shocking news spread from Providence, Rhode Island out to the far reaches of central Connecticut today. A technician at the Brown University admissions office discovered that a computer glitch accidentally rejected over 3,000 prospective Brown students. It was discovered shortly after that these mistakenly rejected students included every Wesleyan University student for the past 5 years.

For those who have not graduated, spots will be available for transfer, and new and improved housing will be built in order to make up the “mishap” as Brown’s dean of admissions referred to the incident. For those who have graduated, honorary Brown degrees will be provided via mail delivered by cloaked figures.

“We really don’t know how this could have happened,” remarked Brown’s dean of admissions on the root cause of the issue, “it was a total goof. Must have been Alex. Could have been Joey. It could have been an April Fools prank, but our decisions don’t come out on April 1st. We’re not going to investigate internally though. That always gets messy.”

It was later revealed that all current Brown students were also admitted to Wesleyan. However, according to our sampling, none appear to be interested in transferring.

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