WASHINGTON, D.C. — Early Monday morning, the White House announced that Donald J. Trump, the elected President of the United States, had been fired from his only recently mandated role as President of the United States by President Donald Trump himself.
The President took to Twitter to announce the latest shakeup in the White House, after having already fired Chief of Staff Reince Preibus and Director of Communications Anthony Scaramucci.
“Donald Trump is a failure of a president! Only lies and threats. Real Americans know that I am the only one really looking after them! New President to be announced soon.”
In other news, the entire staff of the Washington Post resigned shortly after the announcement.
“I thought journalism was dead,” said one Washington Post staffer. “Now I know that it will never die, and I need to get the fuck out while I can.”