MIDDLETOWN, CT — On September 18, on-campus conspiracy theorists and science deniers unveiled their proposal to rename Earth House “Flat Earth House.”
“We’re tired of Wesleyan and Reslife prioritizing the agenda of liberal sheep,” said one theorist, who wished to remain anonymous. “It’s about time we scrapped a program that caters to a global hoax like climate change, and started shedding light on the indisputable fact that the Earth is flat.”
When asked how he could use words like “global” and still believe the Earth is flat, our source refused to comment.
Potential programs for the new Flat Earth House, or “FlarthHo”, include picketing astrological phenomenons such as the eclipse based on the grounds that spread dangerous falsehoods about orbits and celestial bodies.
“If the world is round, why are maps flat?” said another proposal leader. “If the Earth was round, people would just fall off it. Wake up, Wesleyan.”