MIDDLETOWN, CT – It appeared as though President Rotherington was in a hurry this past Monday as he was seen rushing out of South College approximately eleven minutes after his office hours ended at 4:41pm. However as he scooted across the campus he let loose what appeared to be a very rough second draft of this coming year’s WesFest address to prospective students.
The speech started strong, welcoming the pre-frosh and their families to our beautiful campus, although that was overshadowed by the next line in which he thanked them for coming and then quipped “Hey, you know what? That’s what she said!” This wasn’t the only instance of Rothsburger’s misguided attempt to connect with the youth through ten-year-old sexist jokes, however, as each of the seven paragraphs ended with this Michael Scotian phrase.
“I don’t know honestly. Like it looked like a fifth grader’s stand-up comedy routine – I mean he was setting up these jokes by himself and then acting like they were clever retorts.” Groundhog reporter Missie Jenistik ‘20, the first able to attain this draft, said. “Plus on the back of it was a brainstorm of ‘entrance songs’ on which he had only ‘dope guitar solo from Pour Some Sugar on me by Def Leppard’ and a sketch of him crowd-surfing shirtless.”
One positive we found from looking at the draft was that whoever is editing Rothernot’s speeches seemed to have a good handle on the direction they wanted to move the speech. The edits made sure to take out the poorer ‘that’s what she said’ jokes and additionally ensure that the president didn’t end his speech with “Big Rothage Sausage out,” so at least there’s that.