5 Ways to Make Feminism Apply Only to You

BROOKLYN, NY — Uh oh, guys. The “F” word. Feminism. It sure is a lot to live up to! With as many diverse women as there are opinions on feminism, there’s no such thing as a perfect feminist. Luckily, with these simple tips, you can convince people otherwise, and carry yourself as the One True Holder of Feminist Knowledge. Feminism means women should be able to do whatever they want, so why wouldn’t that apply to you and no one else?

  1. Shut out queer voices and women of color, but make sure your laptop has a sticker with something like “#GirlPower!”

If you don’t have a pink laptop sticker with a generic “feminist” phrase, you can’t lord your opinions over everyone else in your FGSS class. Them’s just the rules.

2. Refuse to take criticism for your personal actions, maybe throwing in a phrase like “Women should support other women” for good measure.

Being a woman is tough, which is why you get to be the victim, always.

3. Don’t bother to learn the difference between tokenism and representation.

It’s totally not weird to ask your one black friend to open for your show on Saturday. It’ll be super great, there will be so many (white) women there!

4. Negate other forms of marginalization because you’re too busy listening to “Melodrama” on Spotify.

If someone asks you about the historic relationship between white women and men of color, just bob your head to Lorde’s soothing croons. She definitely had the biggest snub in Grammy history.

5. Invest in a nice mirror, because it’s the only form of self-reflection you’ll ever get.

Also great for selfies.

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