MIDDLETOWN, CT — Wescam season is well under way, and well, things are moving a little slower than you’d like. The cute person in your stats class has made eye contact with you twice, and the crush on your hall didn’t say “Hi” to you in the bathroom. Then, all of a sudden, the stars align. Your crush watched your snap story! It was a really funny one, too. Things are going so well for you, how do you even stay humble about it?
- Consult one of Kanye’s more recent tweets.
Kanye isn’t the same old Kanye anymore. Kanye’s been doing a lot of thinking lately, and his words of wisdom might set you on a nobler path, before you start imagining what life with your crush might be like and get too full of yourself.
2. Check your Tinder.
Remember when you didn’t match with them? Relive that painful setback, and scroll through all the 4s you did match with to keep yourself in check.
3. Talk to a COL or Philosophy student about literally anything.
If you’re looking to get condescended to, look no further than the COL library. You’ll forget all about your crush and start to wonder why you don’t know more about Plato’s Republic.
4. Order Summies to-go.
Nothing simulates rock bottom like texting into Summies.
5. Talk to your crush.
You’ve talked the big talk, now before you get ahead of yourself, remember all of your attempts to actually *interact* with your crush. It didn’t go so well, did it? Maybe it’ll be better this time, but if it’s not, at least you have modesty as a virtue.