Student Must Wait Whole Year Until He Can Be Publicly Nice to His Parents Again

MIDDLETOWN, CT – Jeremy Loss ‘21 realized this morning upon waking up and scrolling through his Instagram feed that he would have to wait a full year before he could publicly be nice to his parents again. “It’s really a bummer,” the Wesleyan freshman said, regretting the fact that he had forgotten to post something the day before. “I really love them, but it’s not gonna be Mother’s Day or Father’s Day for another 300+ days, so no one can really know.”

Despite still having access to social media and tons of great photos of the people who brought him into this world, he had no intention of sharing them any other day of the year.  “I love my parents, of course, but I can’t really mention it unless it’s Mother’s Day or Father’s Day,” Loss explained, referring to the people who gave him the incredible and unique gift of life. “That’s just kind of how it goes.”

When questioned, nearly all of Loss’ classmates felt the same way, especially his male peers. “Yeah, I dunno. I guess it just feels weird to be nice to them in public if I’m not specifically told it’s okay,”  said Harrison Knox ‘20, who had no interest in displaying affection for his parents if not on a holiday, despite the fact that without them he would not have ever tasted the sweet fruit that is existence. “They’re my parents, I dunno. I can’t post a picture of them just any old day, it’s not like they’re my dog.”

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