Queer Rodent Community Driven Underground

MIDDLETOWN, CT — In the aftermath of Open House’s first party, some mysterious new signage appeared on the front steps of the queer-centric residence. A groundhog in drag emblazoned the familiar rainbow, a message from Wesleyan’s active and thriving queer rodent population.

“Although we may think we live in a liberal bubble, some individuals, namely groundhogs, still don’t feel comfortable living their truth out in the open,” Open House Manager Neema Kahn ’20 said. “They have to hide in the shadows, or sometimes, if the winter is going to be unexpectedly short, they don’t even have shadows to hide in.”

Reports have indicated that local groundhogs, feeling slighted by their heteronormative rodent cousins, have started their own queer commune under the floorboards of Open House.

“You may not know this, but all groundhogs are actually just gay beavers,” Kahn said.

Disillusioned by the capitalist dam-building industry, groundhogs defect from the beaver-dominated mainstream only to live in burrows. They rarely go outside but they maintain a consistent online presence.

“The new sign outside is our way of showing solidarity and support,” another Open House resident, Jenna Black ’20 said. “If you see a groundhog, please give them space and let them come out to you when they’re ready.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s