Turkey Not Only Thing Getting Stuffed Tonight

CHARLESTON, SC –– That’s right folks, you heard it here first; the Thanksgiving turkey will not be the only thing getting stuffed tonight. This report is coming directly from the household of Ana ’19 and Zeke Roberts ‘22, after they experienced a plight of anything-but-inconspicuous double entendre between their grandparents during the Turkey-day preparations.

“At first we weren’t sure,” Began Ana, “It started with a subtle zucchini joke here and a creamed corn joke there. But it really flew over the edge once Pop Pops asked for ‘a good amount of stuffing,’ and Grammy responded ‘oh don’t you want to wait until tonight for that?’”

Zeke added, “Oh god, but the worst bit was when we were all at the table going around saying what we were thankful for. It began really wholesomely, you know? Like people saying family and friends, and whatever. When it got to Pop Pops, however, he just got this disgusting little twinkle in his eye and whispered to Grammy about her ‘gentle touch,’ ‘hip dexterity,’ and their ‘little purple thing that she knows just where to put.’”

Ana and Zeke reportedly had a difficult time processing this surprising information. Zeke even noted that he “made sure to leave the table before anyone could offer up the pumpkin cream pie for dessert.” Ana also stated, “I’d honestly be proud that they’re still active if it hadn’t ruined my appetite for half the food on the table.”

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