Groundhog Renders Wesleying Obsolete With Launch of Its Own Points Calculator

MIDDLETOWN, CT — For the better part of a decade, Wesleying has clung to relevancy among the smorgasbord of student publications with its state-of-the-art points calculator, allowing students to budget their meal plan without going hungry. (Anything less would be dangerous and irresponsible.) However, the Groundhog has been encroaching on Wesleying’s turf since 2016 with its own brand of humorous content. Now, the coup is complete with the launch of the Groundhog’s very own Points Calculator!

The Groundhog’s Points Calculator is a text-in service, personalized to your own eating habits. This cutting-edge technology will not only approximate how many points you have left, it will also guess what kind of food you’re most likely to spend your points on. Instead of ordering a Buffalo Chicken Salad from Summies to eat in your room alone, you can find out exactly how many more “salads” you can order this semester before begging on the staircase of Usdan! Simply text your number of points to 832-657-7117 and we will respond with exactly what you need to do to last out the semester.

Ex. “I have 500 points left and five weeks left in the semester!”

GPC: “I think you’re good?”

“Help! I only have 200 points left and it’s not even Thanksgiving!”

GPC: “Shit that’s crazy lol. Good luck tho.”

“Will my 1000 points plan last me through the spring?”

GPC: “Ehhh….yeah.”

Well there you have it! Sorry, Wesleying— you still have the Star and Crescent Menu.

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