Cunnilingus in COVID: Davison, Dr. McLarney Promote New Dental Dam-Mask Hybrid

MIDDLETOWN, CT – In an email blast entitled “Cautious Cunnilingus in COVID,” Dr. McLarney and Davison Health Center announced a new and improved mask, the KM-69. This mask can be used both as an oral filter for Covid particles, and as a barrier for orally-transmitted STDs. Thanks to the work of Dr. McLarney, it can be found for free at Davison Health Center, or one can purchase a cardinal-branded KM-69 from Cardinal Tech. 

Noted sexual scientist and Wes Alum, Lauren Heilberg, ‘89 emphasized that this safety measure can be thought of as a timely sexual enhancement, not just a Covid-era safety measure: “for those of us who enjoy kinks such as smothering, suffocating and general airway obstruction, the KM-69 might even increase sexual pleasure.” 

The Wesleyan Campus itself has seen a variety of responses. Captain of the Wrestling team, Cody Linnux, ‘22, noted “I mean, I don’t really understand what it is, but the word ‘cunnilingus’ is funny.” Notable campus sapphics, Nicole Samson, ‘22, and Sarah Cole, ‘21, each had different takes, with Nicole noting “I just really like… the natural flavor, and the latex kind of gets in the way” while Sarah expressed deep thanks for McLarney’s flavor choices: “I’m partial to the cherry, but I certainly wouldn’t say no to a little mixed berry either.”

The skeptics have asked McLarney if he would be comfortable using this in his own bedroom, to which he replied “I want to make it clear. I would never recommend something to this community that I hadn’t personally seen work. And boy, have I seen these babies work.” 

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